A post in which I talk about weight

When I hear people talk or write about weight (both negative and positive) I often respond in the same way: I feel shame/guilt. I often read weight loss blogs, seek out success stories on instagram, and scan the web for new recipes and workouts. And each time, I leave feeling guilty. AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. Stories of people changing their lives and losing hundreds of pounds should invigorate me. It should cause me to gain a greater sense of determination, a sense of hope, and sense of desire to accomplish what they have done. Yet, time and time again I feel lost, guilty for not losing the weight like they did, and disappointed for eating the burger I ate for dinner the previous evening. Well that bad attitude and body shaming is over. I'm sick of feeling constant guilt over my "slip-ups" or for not running my mile in a certain time.

So today, today I am choosing to be proud. I am choosing to recognize the hard work and dedication I have put into changing my life. Truth is, this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. So many countless hours at the gym, countless failed attempts at "dieting", lots of reading nutrition labels, and many triumphs and failures on the scale. Some days are harder than others and I find myself in my bed with a bag of cadberry eggs. But today I'm not talking about that. Today, I am talking about the part where I decided to change my life for the better.

This weekend, I was going through some of my old things and I came across some of my high school dance pictures. I was shocked. I forgot how big I was. I forgot how sad, ashamed, and embarrassed I felt. 

Today, though almost 60 pounds lighter, it would be a lie to tell you that I no longer still feel embarrassed, ashamed and sad. I just don't feel them as much as I used to. The thing people don't tell you about weight loss is that its hard to forget who you once were. It's hard to shake the feelings you once felt in a body that you once had.

But today, I am letting go of the embarrassment, the hurt, the pain, sadness, and shame. And I am choosing to be proud of where I am. I am choosing to be hopeful for the future and I'm choosing to be proud of accomplished goals along the way.