The Tale of the Roller Shoes

Ok, remember back in like the fourth grade when these babies were mega popular?

Remember Heelies? Or whatever they were called? Ok, so my super rad fourth grade self wanted a pair. So me and my best friend saved our money and went and bought matching roller shoes! Awesome right? Wrong. For the life of me, I could NOT do it. I would try and like cock my head back, lean back and try and get my heelie on. Really it was a joke.

So one fabulous saturday afternoon, my great little friend and I decided to go see a movie. So on came our roller shoes, and we were out the door. (Now my roller shoes were awesome because you could take out the wheels when you wanted to just walk, and then when you wanted to skate, you just strapped that lil puppy on, and away you went). So we get to the movie theatre and I decided I would put my wheels on and have a go at it. Well, my stupid fourth grade self apparently forgot that movie theatre rooms are slanted. So we step inside the theatre, and the movie had already started. It was pitch black, and the only seats left were the very front row. So in my head i'm thinking "sweet! I will just skate on down to my seat and all will be well!" HA. Good one Janie. As I start heading to my seat, I start gaining crazy momentum and obviously can't stop. I am literally zooming down the aisle, screaming for somebody to stop me! Well, you guessed it, I SLAMMED into the movie screen and fly onto the floor. (ok, you know in the movies when somebody falls or something, and the whole audience grimaces and says, "ouch." Ok, that totally happened to me.) So now the audience has been disrupted by some retarded heely girl who obviously needs some major evaluating. 

Despite the embarassment, I stood up and tried to "skate" back to my seat. mmmmm nope. I fell again and again and again. Finally, I got on my hands and knees and literally crawled to my seat.

And wanna know the best part? There was a whole row of boys sitting behind me and the WHOLE rest of the movie, I was known as the "stupid skater". Awesome.

So, if I could go back and give my fourth grade self some advice it would be this: 

1. DO NOT buy roller shoes

and

2. Punch the zitty faced ten year old who sat behind you at the movies. He could use some shutting up.